Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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