I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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