I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
