So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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