Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
