I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
