i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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