Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I understand Curling. That high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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