i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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