I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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