Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
