I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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