i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
