Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
