Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
