after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
