Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
