i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
