All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
