i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
