how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
