Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
