It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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