booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
