where am i from again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
