K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
