he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
