Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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