so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
