i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
