I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
