Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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