I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
