You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
