just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
