Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
