we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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