he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize