I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
