Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
