you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
