Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
