Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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