i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
