Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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