Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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