Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
