Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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