My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
