You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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