dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just invented taco cereal.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
