she smelled like a LAN party
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
