Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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