Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
