I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
