My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
