Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize