why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
