When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
