She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
