Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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