Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
