Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
