The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
