Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
