my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
