You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
