My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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