I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
two words: eviction party
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
