I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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