I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
