is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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